These Advice from My Dad That Helped Me as a New Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - taking a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."